Crafting Words Sharing Deeds

Why did I wear Hijab?

Assalamualaikum, Wr. Wb.

Long time no writing!

Sekarang saya mau share sedikit tentang my life transition. I finally made a change in my life. I finally made a change to improve myself to be better by trying to get closer to The Creator, Allah SWT.

Alhamdulillah, sejak 10 Oktober 2015 saya memutuskan untuk berhijab, momentum yang tepat saat Tahun Baru Islam 1437H dan tepat satu minggu sebelum ulang tahun Papa ku (InshaAllah bisa melepaskan beban Papa dari siksa api neraka.  Aamiin ya Rabbal Alamiin).

Kenapa tiba-tiba berhijab?

Bukan karena Mama. Bukan karena Papa. Bukan karena Pacar. Bukan karena siapapun. Tapi untuk Allah SWT.

1. I’M AFRAID OF DEATH.

Eyang saya baru meninggal di bulan Juni, tepat saat di bulan Ramadhan (Semoga terbebas dari api Neraka. Aamiin YRA). Jujur, saya gak dekat sama Eyang. Paling ketemu satu tahun sekali. Terakhir nengok Eyang, Eyang dalam keadaan lemah dan tua, dari yang dulu super energik dan jago masak. Sempat terpikir, ini naturally how the human grows. Senang atau tidak senang, suka atau tidak suka, meninggal itu pasti. Tapi sudah siapkah meninggal dalam keadaan belum “Muslim”?

Ketika eyang meninggal, jujur pada saat itu, saya belum merasa kehilangan karena memang gak dekat dari dulu. Tapi saat bantu memandikan Eyang dan menguburkan Almarhumah, MashaAllah. Air mata turun deras. Bukan karena sedih Eyang pergi, jujur bukan itu. Tapi saya takut. Saya takut karena tau suatu hari akan ada di posisi itu. Semuanya make sense. Ada hadits yang mengatakan, kalau kita ikut prosesi pemakaman, hadiahnya itu pahala sebanyak dua gunung. Karena apa? It reminds us to death.

Pada malam setelah Eyang dikuburkan, saya gak bisa berhenti berpikir, “Eyang lagi apa ya? Diapain ya? Kena siksa gak? Apa bisa menjawab pertanyaan pertanyaan malaikat?” karena gak ada manusia sempurna di dunia ini. Semua pasti punya dosa. Tapi kita disini di dunia mencari Rahmat-Nya. WallahuAlam, semoga Eyang dilapangkan kuburnya dan diberi syafaat di hari akhir.

Empat pertanyaan malaikat kelak:

  • Umur kita untuk apa?
  • Apa yang kita lakukan ketika MASIH MUDA?
  • Dari mana harta? Kemana digunakannya?
  • Untuk apa ilmu yang dipelajari?

FYI, bacalah surat Al-Mulk setiap malam, InshaAllah akan dibebaskan dari siksa kubur.

2. “I WILL WEAR HIJAB SOMEDAY, BUT NOT NOW.”

Sejak dulu, saya tau kalau sudah tua, saya akan berhijab. Kalaupun belum tua, setidaknya setelah menikah (note: udah laku dan sekarang saya masih muda). Dengan banyak sekali kejadian orang-orang meninggal di waktu muda, hati saya selalu takut. Takut mati. Takut menghadap Allah SWT dalam keadaan belum “Muslim”. Takut ketika tujuh langkah orang-orang pergi dari makam ku, malaikat akan bertanya hal yang gak bisa saya jawab. Meninggal itu pasti, tapi ketaatan itu pilihan.

Saya selalu gak mau pake hijab di waktu muda karena mau seneng-seneng. I felt prettier with my long wavy hair. Saya masih suka pake baju yang lucu-lucu dan press body, and I got plenty of those. Saya masih suka denger pujian dari orang if I look pretty. Plus, saya masih mau photoshoot dan shooting yang bisa bebas tanpa hijab. My concern is allll about physical appearance. But who has actually created them for me? Kadang saya mengaku cinta Allah, tapi belum taat. InshaAllah berproses.

3. My mom DID not support me.

Apa rasanya kalau perasaan ingin hijrah kamu berlawanan sama orang tua, apalagi Ibu kandung?

Pertama kali saya uring-uringan dan entah kenapa selalu terpikir ingin berhijab, saya akhirnya beranikan diri ngomong ke mama.

“Ma, kok belakangan ini Dian kepikiran pengen pake hijab ya?”

Mama bilang, “Gak usah lah, Dik. Nanti aja kalau udah nikah. Kamu masih muda. Belum pake hijab aja gak punya pacar”

LOLLLL. Maksud mama, saya gak laku gitu? Hahahaha. Enggakkkk, Ma. Jomblo itu nasib, single itu pilihan. Nah, saya yang single! Hehehe.

Once mama saya bilang gitu, saya mengurungkan niat begitu aja. Mungkin memang nanti aja kalau udah menikah, KAYAKNYA nanti saya masih hidup kok.Terus menerus kepikiran, sering banget pake-pake jilbab sendiri iseng-iseng dirumah.

Saya masih simpan foto-foto saya yang dulu sering iseng coba hijab dirumah, atau iseng sekali jalan dengan hijab, ini foto kumpulan sejak satu tahunan yang lalu.

 

 

 

 

 

IMG_8188

Just wondering kalau jilbab-jilbab ini bakal kepake suatu hari nanti. Dan selalu envy sama orang-orang yang baru berhijab.

Sampai akhirnya, saya merasa Allah Maha Baik. Masha Allah. Secara tiba-tiba ketemu orang, terus dia suruh saya baca Al-Fatihah. WHAT?! Ya bisa lah. Siapa yang gak afal surat yang selalu dibaca dalam solat?……tapi apa? Ternyata bacaan saya banyak salahnya (tentang panjang pendek serta tajwidnya, yang artinya di Bahasa arab bisa berbeda). Untuk solat wajib aja, bacaan saya banyak salahnya. Apa kabar solat-solat selama ini? Apa saya segitu pede kalau solat nya diterima?

DULU, saya selalu ngerasa puas sama diri sendiri. Deep inside, saya suka  ngerasa saya lebih baik dari yang lain hanya karena saya taat dalam menjalankan solat 5 waktu, yang kadang dilingkungan saya sulit banget untuk jalanin kewajiban secara konsisten. Astagfirullah. Astagfirullah. Astagfirullah. Harus banyak istigfar, karena itu sombong. Allah benci orang yang sombong. Saya diingatkan sama hal itu. Five times Salaah only makes you Moslem. Itu kewajiban, bukan Sunnah. Even kalau Sunnah juga gak boleh bangga. Di saat itu, saya entah kenapa  nangis deras banget. Gak bisa tidur. Berpikir. Gak berhenti. Sedih.

Lalu cerita sama mama. Pendapatnya masih sama, gak usah pake hijab. Kemudian nangis lagi, datang lagi ke mama. Begitu terus. Sampai akhirnya, mama ku yang tersadar, and guesssss whatttt? Mama saya yang pake hijab lebih dulu dari saya sendiri. MashaAllah. Rencana Allah yang luar biasa, diluar prediksi saya. And since then, I convince myself to start wearing hijab. Karena kalau ditanya kapan siap, manusia gak akan pernah siap. Dunia akan siap memberikan perhiasan-perhiasan yang membuat kita lupa sama tempat kembali.

Ini foto waktu jalan sama mama. Sesekali aku suka pake hijab pas jalan, kepengen aja. Ini Ketika pas aku jalan pake hijab dan mama belum pake, mama bingung gitu hehe. Surely, it will last in my memory?IMG_8564

Sekarang, InshaAllah saya membawa identitas agama saya kemana saja saya pergi. I’m proud to be a Moslem. Walaupun banyak juga yang bilang “kelakuan dulu benerin, baru di hijab kepalanya atau “jilbabin hati dulu, baru kepalanya”. Well, I need to tell them that they are TWO DIFFERENT THINGS. Jangan samakan hubungan vertical dengan horizontal. Akhlak dan ketaatan itu dua hal yang berbeda. Hanya butuh Bismillahuntuk memulai hal yang baru.

Do not get me wrong. Saya disini bukan untuk menyudutkan para wanita yang belum berhijab. Saya pun gak pernah men-judge orang-orang yang belum berhijab. Tapi disini saya ingin sharing dan siapa tau bisa memotivasi beberapa wanita muslim. Karena pada saat saya ingin berhijab, saya bolak balik searching dan cari tau cerita orang-orang yang berhijab.

Jujur, saya pun juga merasa belum baik. Belum 100% mengikuti kewajiban agama. Tapi at least, we try to be better. Percayalah, Allah akan percaya proses manusia yang berharap Ridho-Nya.

This is a very good article. I kept reading this before finally made up decision.

http://www.muhajabah.com/whyhijab.htm

“Maka Allah selalu menggenapkan janji-Nya. Ia mengatakan, satu langkah kita menuju kepada-Nya, seribu langkah Ia menuju kea rah kita. Ketika berjalan ke arah-Nya, Ia justru berlari kea rah kita.”

InshaAllah. Percayalah janji Allah SWT selalu tepat. Bismillah for every single step in your life:)

 

Wassalamualaikum, Wr. Wb.

Dian Widayanti

Originally posted on

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